Sinister Sweets
by GoldenSymphony
Summary: Have you ever wondered what goes on in castle oblivion with organization 13? This basically answers mostly everything. Organization 13 goes thorough all sorts of antics... Also, who would've known that Riku would join, why? Read and find out.
1. Choco Demyx

Sinister Sweets

Chapter 1

(A kingdom Hearts fan fic….randomness! I own NONE of this…enjoy!)

He had to do it….What in the world was wrong with Axel. We all knew that he didn't like Demyx that much…It was very obvious! Even if he was an annoying, blonde- haired, super hyper, sitarist with a childish attitude. Xemnas, the superior understood good and well that Demyx was annoying Axel for some…weird and stupid reason, but what the Flurry of Dancing Flames did was going way too far by giving him candy to leave him alone, now Demyx was bouncing off of the walls in Xemnas's office.

"Axel…." Xemnas growled. "He is so DEAD!!!!" The superior made an attempt at catching the runaway Melodious Nocturne but grabbing him was like trying to grab a greased pig. Something had to be done and trying to grab him with his hands wasn't cutting it. There were only two, count them, two, options left and they were: One, go star wars on his ass and two capture him into some sort of trap by luring him with his beloved milk chocolate bar.

Xemnas looked at his two options and he really didn't want to use option two. Well, Option one was the only one left so he had no choice but to use it, but before he could summon his light sabers, Demyx stopped and looked through the window on door. He saw Axel walk down the hall way with Zexion by his side. The young blonde musician bursts forth and through the door and tackles Axel to the floor.

"What the hell, Demyx?!!" Axel shouts. Zexion stands at a distance and watches carefully and quietly.

"Candy."

"What?"

"Candy!"

"You want more?!"

"YeahYeahYeah!!!"

Axel digs in his pocket and pulls out half of a chocolate bar that had a torn label that looked as if Saix's name was on it as a sign of ownership. Demyx snaps it up and quickly peels the paper off of it. He sucks it down and then continues his sugar-fueled rampage by racing down the hall yelling " WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!"

"Number 8….." said a sinister voice filled with an urge to kill. " Report to my office." Axel's face grew pale as he turned to see that it was Xemnas calling him into his office. Axel was aware that he was in deep shit now.

The red head drug him self into the dark and scary office of the Superior.

Vexen was spread out across his fluffy snowflake decorated bed. He is finally getting the rest that he needs. To think that Xemnas would give him a day off...Well, to be exact, Vexen kinda forced it on the superior with the use of blackmail…That's right Vexen, the chilly academic had dirt on his silver haired boss. Whenever he needs something from Xemnas he'd pull up some naughty stuff that he could use against him. Thinking about this made Vexen smile and giggle in his sleep. This peace and quiet didn't last for long, though. Vexen rolls over and adjusts his snowman pajamas. _Crash! Boom! Screech!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! _ These sounds spilled over into Vexen's room from the next room. Vexen's eyes shot open and they were bloodshot. He demanded to know where that noise was coming from.

He hopped out of bed and moved to the door. The worst thing that he could do was open it because once he did Demyx raced by and gave a horrid sight to see. "What the heck, Demyx!!! What are those in your hair?!" Vexen sternly asks. Demyx stops and enters Vexen's room. The chilly academic began to feel uneasy. Having a hyperactive sitarist in the room could make anyone uneasy. "I have a new hairstyle now…" Demyx said innocently.

"What are those in your hair?"

"I dunno but Larxene sure does like them…She didn't want me to touch them."

"Oh sweet mother of mercy…You have…"

You may've figured it out by now that Demyx has tampons tied to his hair. Vexen tried to take them out as fast as he could, but Demyx started to swat when he was down to only two.

Outside Larxene was on the hunt for Demyx. He had found a wrapper on the floor, a chocolate wrapper, the same wrapper that had Saix's name partially on it. Now Larxene was on the hunt for the Luna Diviner. She stormed down the hall to a door with a moon on it. She bangs on it hard and awaits an answer. In three minutes Saix opens the door and stands out in the hall way wearing nothing but short-shorts and a white t-shirt. (Why he is wearing that…I dunno….Men aren't supposed to be wearing short-shorts or booty shorts!!!! DX) "What?" Saix says in a monotone voice. Larxene quickly holds up the wrapper that she found on the floor. "Explain this!!!" She demands.

"It's the wrapper from the chocolate that I buy and eat."

"Then what's Demyx doin' with it?! Did you give it to him?"

"I never give anyone chocolate…especially MY special chocolate."

"Special?!"

"Yes, special."

"What's in it?!"

"………Strong ingredients that most people's bodies can't handle. Special herbs and sugar blends. Sweet, sweet sugar from the deepest parts of china. I get special orders once every week."

"Then how did Demyx get it?! He's bouncing off of the walls like some spastic freak!"

"I couldn't tell you."

"Somebody better tell me!!!! I'm tired of that annoying little freak bouncing around!"

"Don't worry about it… Eventually, he'll crash. The sugar will be worked out of him so soon he'll just drop and be sleepy for 2 days."

"Why do you buy this stuff?!"

"It's really good…"

Saix slowly moves back into his room while scratching his butt. "If you want him to burn energy faster run after him some…Do something or just let him reap havoc on his own." Saix suggests. He shuts the door and Larxene gives a heavy sigh and moves into her room. Once she shuts the door, Demyx flies down the hall at the speed of light. Vexen is hanging his head out of the door looking at the speeding blonde. He then shrugs and moves back into his room. "Finally…more…sleep." Vexen then collapses onto his fluffy bed.

Now for Axel, he was getting chewed out for feeding Demyx Saix's special chocolate. Oh, yes, Xemnas knew about the chocolate and how Axel fed it to Demyx to get him to shut up and leave him alone and he was pissed about it. Axel was scared out of his mind. Xemnas was scary when mad. If you thought that Larxene was bad then you haven't seen Xemnas. _ When I stepped through that door…I have officially stepped into hell as we know it. I can see Xemnas talking but I can't hear him and yet…and yet I am afraid. My mind is a total blank. Am I just winging it?! Is this what the other members told me about….The void? The part of the mind where you can think about anything and not worry about people intruding….how nice! _ Axel thought. Xemnas on the other hand kept yelling and yelling but he never noticed Axel's zoning out. "Do you understand me?!" Xemnas sternly asks. Axel's head droops over and he falls over onto the floor. "And this happens every time with every one…including Saix…They go into the void." He starts. "Dammit." Xemnas drags the zoned out red head to his room.

Xigbar was laughing maniacally at Demyx. He had him on a giant hamster wheel. Saix had told him about the situation at hand and Xigbar who was right off the bat annoyed wanted to handle it for himself. So he wrangled Demyx and stuck him in a hamster wheel. (Makes you think WTF, hunh?) "If you slow down, I'll shoot you!" Xigbar said in his surfer voice.

"Why do you sound like that?!" Demyx begins to ask.

"Sound like what?"

"A surfer."

"That's my accent…"

"It's retarded and it doesn't suit you…Change it."

Xigbar had a death look on his face and was ready to shoot a bullet in Demyx's foot.

"Listen here, you little puke! You're gonna run your butt off, you hear me?!!!"

Demyx has entered the void, everyone. His mind was set on running and it was as if it was set on automatic. Xigbar looked closely at the Melodious Nocturne. Normally the young blonde would respond to a threat like that or one of Xigbar's death looks, but he wasn't. I was like watching a zombie running. Xigbar scratched his head with his gun (Don't you ever do this at home…or anywhere. Xigbar's a fictional character and can afford being shot in the head and recovering.) And said "Is the candy finally dying down?" _THUD!!!!!!_ Xigbar's eyes widened as Demyx hits the floor asleep. "Wow I never thought that I would wear the kid out this much!" Xigbar begins as he opens a portal. "Might as well send him to his room." He then picks the sleeping sitar player and slings him into the portal.

Xigbar the walks off screen and comes back with Zexion in his arms reading a book. "What the hell are you doing?" the cloaked schemer asks.

"You're helping Demyx prepare for bed."

"Oh, am I?"

"Yes, you are."

"Why?"

"Cause I said so…"

"Hell no."

Xigbar tosses Zexion into the portal and walked away. "Snobby little bastard." He mutters to himself. Then an evil smirk spreads across his face and he continues walking.

Zexion rubs his behind while looking at Demyx who was spread across his bed. Zexion scans the room, never before has he been in Demyx's room. The musician's room was blue with a stream of black notes, dancing on many measures of music that lined all four walls of the room. The cloaked schemer didn't know what to do, Xigbar did say to prepare Demyx for bed, but what exactly did he want him to do. Well it really was a no-brainer to have him put his pajamas on him, so that's what he was going to do. He grabbed a set of blue light blue pajamas with black musical notes dancing all over them and a nice fresh pair of underwear. And now came the undressing. Zexion had no problem taking off the gloves, boots, socks, and cloak, but when it came down to the underwear…Yes Demyx's silk blue boxers with a tidal wave on them were a challenge for the young slate haired organization member. Thoughts the Zexion never had before began to race through his head and a lustful smile spreads across his face. Does this mean that he had feelings for Demyx? Did he really go that way? Why are all of these thoughts going through his head? Who cares?!! Zexion wanted Demyx and this was the only chance to get what he wanted. He began to inch down the silk undies very carefully hoping that the young blonde wouldn't stir (which he won't…for a couple of days.) and as he scooted them down he leaned in to plant a kiss on Demyx's soft lips, but he didn't make it for Xemnas had slammed open the door and caught Zexion in the attempt.

"What the fk?!" Xemnas shouts. Zexion flings himself backwards and puts his hands up as if he didn't do anything.

"I'm innocent!!!!"

"Like hell you are!"

"I wasn't doing anything!!!!! It was the drugs that Axel gave me!"

"Drugs?"

"He….Uhhhh…..slipped me a mickey?"

"How did he stick king mickey in your drink?"

"NOOOOOOOO!!! YOU IDIOT!"

"I know what you mean…I was trying to be funny."

"Well you suck at it."

"shut up…"

"So Axel deals drugs, eh? Let me have a talk with him…And leave Demyx alone…Let the dancer nobodies take care of him."

Xemnas snaps his fingers and the dancer nobodies come dancing in one after another. "Put the sleeping musician to bed…" The superior commands while dragging Zexion off and shutting the door behind him.

In the kitchen Axel is making himself beef flavored ramen noodles and dancing to the beat of techno music. Xaldin moves in and grabs a fork and stares at it. Axel looks over and notices him and begins to inch away. Xaldin has a tendency to stab those who he either doesn't like, are too close to him, or are messing with him and Axel was about to violate one of the three. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Xaldin calmly asks. Axel blinks a few times and then quickly responds "No reason!!!" and returns his attention back to his noodles. Xaldin shrugs and begins to walk over to the other side of the kitchen. Axel then begins to snicker after looking at Xaldin's face. You all know how his eyebrows are…big and bushy. Okay, well, earlier in the week Xaldin was too close to one of Vexen's experiments and BOOM! Burned off his right eyebrow. Well, Xaldin tried to pencil it back in and let's just say that he isn't good with drawing a decent eyebrow, so its reaaaaaaalllllyyyy crooked.

Xaldin turns around and looks at the red head in a confused way. "What's so funny?" Xaldin asks. Axel's eyes shoot to the horribly drawn eyebrow. "N-n-n-n-nothing!" Axel's voice began to quiver from laughter.

"Don't lie to me…What's funny?!"

Axel points to Xaldin's face.

"Your eyebrow's crooked….snicker"

Axel bursts out into hysterical laughter and falls back onto the floor. Xaldin forms a lance and prepares to stab Axel. The red head notices this and begins to scurry across the floor only to bump into Xemnas who was looming over him and giving him a nasty glare. Axel looks to his left and right at the two nobodies and then looks in front of him and behind him and saw the counter and the refrigerator. "Well, I'm screwed….." Axel mumbles.

(And this is where I end it peoples….Wait for number 2 to see what happens.)


	2. Darkside Cookies

Sinister Sweets

Chapter 2: Darkside Cookies

Axel looked up at Xemnas. "Uhhhhh, hi? What did I do this time?!" Axel asks. "What's this I hear about you giving out drugs?!" Xemnas asks in a very demanding voice. Axel puts on an expression that screamed out WTF?!! Then he turns his head a little to see Zexion hide behind the Superior. "What do you mean? I have nothing to do with that crap…Whoever told you that must be lying." Axel states.

Xemnas immediately twirls around to look at Zexion, but he wasn't there. "ZEXION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Xemnas yelled. The superior just found out that the cloaked schemer just lied his way out of looking completely, and totally, fruity. Xemnas snorted and ran off to find Zexion, but that didn't mean that Axel was out of the heat. He had one other problem to deal with and that would be Xaldin and his crooked eyebrow. "You're going to die right here and now!!!" Xaldin growls. He begins to pull back his lance.

"Wait!" Axel pleads.

"What?"

"You don't want to kill me!"

"Why?"

"Cause I could help you with some things…."

"Like what?"

"Ummmmmm….I don't know….It depends."

Xaldin begins to think about it and then he shrugs. "I'll think on it." He responds and then walks away. "Chump." Axel mutters as he turns his attention to his noodles.

Later on, everyone was gathered in the meeting room. Marluxia was introducing the newest member of Organization 13….Riku. "Wait, how did you get him to join us?" Luxord questions. "Easy! I used Chocolate chip cookies!" Marluxia stated proudly. Everyone had a different expression on their face. Axel was laughing his butt off while Xemnas had his hand on his fore head, shaking his head slowly in shame. Riku was standing beside Marluxia with a bowl of chocolate chip cookies. Riku stuffed two cookies in his mouth at once and Marluxia looked up at Xemnas with a big grin on his face. "Do you like him?" the pink haired scythe wielder asked. The Superior looks upon him with a stern expression. Xemnas looks at Riku again and this time he was licking the bowl. The orange eyed boss wasn't exactly pleased nor disgusted with the young boy, but if it will get him closer to the key blade wielder then he will go along with it. "Yeah, right, what ever…" Xemnas mumbles. "But you'll be responsible for his every action…" Marluxia gave a big cheesy smile and giggled. Then, he noticed something shiny in his face. It was Riku's bowl. The silver haired kid wanted more cookies and he was showing it by holding up the empty bowl in the Graceful Assassin's face. "More cookies or else!" Riku demanded. Marluxia snatched the bowl from Riku and walked off mumbling "Arrogant brat."

"What was that?!"

"Come here, you little snot."

Riku followed Marluxia while mumbling foul language. When they finally left the room. Axel bursts out into hysterical laughter. "The kid joined us because of cookies!!!!!!" Axel yells. Luxord chuckles and Larxene cackles. Xigbar then leans over his chair and asks "Is the kid dumb or what?" Xemnas shrugs and disappears from the room and one after the other the organization members disappeared from the room.

Elsewhere, Zexion was peeking around the corner and into Demyx's room. Demyx was still knocked out from the hyper activeness of the overload of Saix's chocolate. He tip-toed in and sat beside Demyx. He brushed aside some of Demyx's hair and smiled. "Finally I get to be alone with you." He mutters to the sleeping musician. Zexion, once again, leans over and tries to plant a kiss on Demyx's cheek, but just like before he was interrupted by someone. "HEY!!!!" yells a voice. Out of no where Riku flops down beside Zexion with a bowl of cookies. Zexion quickly sat up straight and looked in another direction. "Whatcha' doin''?" Riku asks in a childish voice. "None of your business." Zexion answers in a serious voice.

Riku looks at Zexion closely and smiles.

"You were trying' to kiss him weren't you?"

"No, I wasn't."

"Don't lie to me…It's written all over your face! You have feelings for Demyx."

"………..I do……YES I DOOOOOO!!!!!"

Riku had a sinister smile on his face.

"I knew it. It was perfectly obvious, but the question is if he likes you or not."

Zexion paused and began to think. Riku stared at the slate haired nobody while munching on a cookie. The silver haired boy hopped off of the bed and turned around. "Imma let you think about it." Riku states before leaving the room. Zexion looked over at Demyx and then he leaves the room as well.

Everyone was gathered around a bowl drawing slips of paper. Once the paper was drawn the organization members would look at it in disgust. Because they all had a job that they truly hated especially when it came to spring cleaning. Yep, that's right! Today's the day where the members had to clean the castle. The jobs were distributed as follows: Axel had garbage duty, Vexen had to clean out the refrigerators, Luxord had toilet duty, Lexaeus had basic cleaning (Moping, sweeping, or dusting) for the first floor, Larxene was cleaning the second floor, Xigbar was helping Luxord with toilet duty, Xaldin was with Saix in cleaning out the old room on the second floor, Roxas was assigned to attending to the other nobodies that roamed about, Marluxia had to go grocery shopping with Xemnas, and finally Zexion had to go into Xemnas's study and reorganize every single file that he had. As for Riku, he had a choice of who to help so the young silver haired boy decided to assist Larxene with the second floor.

After the assignments were done everyone scattered throughout the castle and prepared for the worst. Spring cleaning was always horror to through especially for Organization 13. Everyone was wishing that they were Demyx right now….


	3. Xaldin and Saix's Despair: The Old Room

Sinister Sweets

Chapter 3: Spring Cleaning: The old room

Saix kicked open the door to the old room. Xaldin could tell that Saix didn't like doing this and neither did he. "So where should we start?" Xaldin asks looking into the dark room. "We should look for the light switch….It's too dark to do anything." Saix answers with a monotone voice. Well, Saix and Xaldin began to feel the walls for a possible light switch. "What is this?! It doesn't feel right…" Xaldin states. Saix had finally found the switch and flipped it on. Xaldin looks at his hand and immediately the color in his face disappears. Saix turns around and sees a huge, dusty, fuzzy, face protruding from the wall. Even Saix had the crap scared out of him. The Luna diviner rushed over to Xaldin and dragged him away from the monstrous face that was growing out of the wall. "Wha-what the heck is that thing?!!" Xaldin sputters.

"I don't know!!!"

"Is this what happens when you don't clean a room?!"

"Obviously!!!!"

The face shook and looked down at the two nobodies. "Well what do we have here?" It says. "Food?" Xaldin began to plaster himself to the wall. "Saix, kill that damn thing!!!!!" He yelled. Saix summoned his claymore and prepared to attack. The blue haired nobody charged for the face and readied his weapon, but the face gave a loud and mighty roar and Saix turned around and ran back to where Xaldin was. "Oh hell no!!!" Saix yelled. "Do you think that I can take that thing on?!! That stupid mutant thing will eat me!" Xaldin began to fume. "What should we do now?" Saix and Xaldin thought for a moment. "Xemnas!!!" They both said as they scurried out of the door. They suddenly paused and realized that Xemnas was at the grocery store. "Crap…" they muttered. They turned around and reentered the room. "How bout some Lysol?" Xaldin suggests.

"Lysol?"

"Yes, Lysol."

"Why?"

"It kills mold."

"How are you so sure that it's a mold and not a mutated dust bunny?"

"I don't know….I'm just testing."

Xaldin looks down at the cleaning supplies and notices that they didn't have any Lysol. So he grabs the bleach and starts to sling it all over the giant face. " DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!!" Xaldin yells psychotically. The face begins to screech and wriggle as it disappeared into the wall. " And you all thought that I was psycho…..Y'all were wrong!!!" he mumbled. Xaldin calms himself down and looks over at Saix. "Now what?" he asks. " Well," Saix begins " We could start with-" Saix was then taken down by the carpet that was lying on the floor beside him. Saix began to wrestle with the carpet but then notices that it wasn't fighting back. He looks up to see Riku standing on top of him with, you guessed right, a bowl of cookies. " Why aren't you getting fat?!" Saix asks bluntly. Riku pops a cookie into his mouth and hops off of the Luna Diviner. "I dunno…Why?"

Saix groans and stands up. "Wait…Aren't you supposed to be helping Larxene?" Xaldin butts in. Riku licks his fingers and clears his mouth.

" Yep."

"Why are you here then?"

" Cause I felt like coming here."

" Go away."

"NO! Anyways….Larxene's not doin' her job…She's chasin' Xigbar around…The castle. Xigbar went on a panty raid…He's drunk and now he has Larxene's panties on his head and running around. So yeah…I have nothing to do.."

" Xigbar is a disgrace to the nobody society…."

Saix nods his head in agreement.

" I don't know how this is going to end, but I'm going to tape it..Buh-bye!"

Riku disappears and Saix and Xaldin look at each other. "How bout we get this over with." Saix says. Xaldin picks up a broom and begins to sweep.

As he swept, dust began to fly up into the air. The whole room was filled with dust clouds. Saix had on a mask while Xaldin sneezed constantly. "Give me the freakin mask!!!" Xaldin yells. Saix ignores him and stops sweeping. Xaldin eventually stops and Saix places his hands on his hips. "This isn't getting us anywhere." He states. " We need a vacuum. That way, the dust won't be flying everywhere if we suck it up." Xaldin folds his arms and begins to think. "We don't have one…." He states after a long thought. Saix's eyes widened.

"Say what?"

"We don't have one."

"Crap!"

"So what do we do now?"

" I have no clue!!!!"

"How bout we have Demyx flood it and Axel set it on fire."

"That's a great idea!"

Xaldin runs to the door and tries to open it, but it won't budge. He tries turning the lock, shaking the door and even kicking the mess out of it but not one of his attempts worked. Xaldin took one of his lances and stuck it between the door and the side of the wall and tried to pry it open with all of his might, but it didn't work. Then Saix took his claymore and began to smack the door with all his might. That didn't work either.

"Darn it!!!" Xemnas yells. "We're stuck in this accursed room." Saix began to think. "Maybe we can't go until we clean it." The blue haired nobody states. Xaldin looks back at the nasty room and sighs. "Let's get down to business then." He says as he grabs a sponge and dips it in a bucket soapy water. Saix notices the bucket of water and soap and asks "Where did that come from?" Xaldin shrugs and begins cleaning the walls. Saix picks up a sponge and joins him.

Six hours have passed and most of the room was clean. Saix was spread across the table in the center of the room. " So tired…..I must sleep…" He states. "Don't sleep in here!" Xaldin warns. " The furniture may bite…"

"WTF?!"

"They will eat you…"

"Have you been snorting dust?"

"What?"

"Well have you?!"

"No….."

"Well…I think you are so I'll sleep here….."

"If you say so….but if you be missing a hunk of your ass when you wake up…then don't say that I didn't warn you…"

Saix went to sleep. Time flew by and when he woke up he found himself on the floor and Xaldin was breathing heavily beside him. Saix rolled over and looked at the huffing nobody. "What's wrong with you?" Saix asks. That one question made the bushy eyebrow lance user snap.

" WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!!!! IT'S MORE LIKE WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!! YOU SLEPT ON THAT DAMN TABLE AND YOU GOT A HOLE AS BIG AS TWILIGHT TOWN IN THE BACK OF YOUR PANTS!!!!! I WARNED YOU AND YOU IGNORED ME!!!!!!! AND THAT'S WHAT YOU GET! YOU SHOULD'VE HAD YOUR ASS BITTEN OFF!!!! CAUSE THAT TABLE HAD A MOUTH AND IT WAS ABOUT TO EAT YOU!!!!"

Now, Saix didn't know whether to be afraid or emotionless like he usually is. Never before has Xaldin snapped like Larxene going through her monthly episode. Saix began to inch back and Xaldin inched forward. " NEXT TIME LISTEN TO ME OR YOU'LL BE DEAD!!!! D-E-A-D! DEAD!!!!!!"

Saix's eyes widened, sweat dripped down his face, and he swallowed hard. He didn't know what Xaldin was going to do next. "Now…" He said in a relaxed manner. " Could you get off of the carpet? I need to clean it." Saix stood up and moved. He helped Xaldin clean the carpet and after that…The rest of the room. Once finished the room was as clean as a…as a…..As a….You know something that's so clean, it sparkles. The door finally opened and Saix stumbled out into the hallway only to meet Riku standing in the doorway with, of course, a bowl of cookies. The silver haired boy turns around and trots off. Xaldin slowly shakes his head and leaves the room. Saix exits the room and collapses onto the floor and begins to kiss it " Land!!!! Sweet Sweet LAND!" he cries. A random berserker nobody comes by and picks Saix up, carrying him down the hall. Riku bites into a cookie and moves himself up the hallway.

At the grocery store, Marluxia and Xemnas were frozen dead at the edge of the aisle. They came across an item that frightened them and that item brought terror to many who resided within castle oblivion, well, except for Roxas…Only because he didn't know what they were. Marluxia looked over and Xemnas looked back at Marluxia, the both gulped and began to move into the 6th isle….


	4. Maluxia and Xemnas's Conspiracy

Sinister Sweets

Chapter 4: Conspiracy!

"I'm not going down that aisle." Xemnas declares. Marluxia looked over at the superior and then says "How about we go get the other items on the list and come back later. Xemnas nods and begins rolling the buggy down to the other side of the grocery store. He stops and looks down at the grocery list. "Let's see…Hmmmm…The first thing on the list is hair gel…Wait, hair gel?! Who in the world uses hair gel?!" Xemnas yells out. "Axel, of course. You know when Demyx decides to dump water on Axel, well he need something to turn that afro into his normal spiky hair."

Xemnas lets out a loud groan and heads towards the hair products aisle. "Do you know what kind he uses?" Xemnas asks while looking at the hair gel."

"I don't know…The really thick kind?"

"Ha, ha really funny…"

"I found it to be hilarious…."

"Don't be sarcastic, flower princess."

"Are you trying to start something?!"

"No, are you?!"

Now Marluxia and Xemnas were exchanging nasty looks. Marluxia turns around and mumbles "We can't be kicked out of another store just because of our petty fighting…" Xemnas sighs and continues searching for hair gel. Xemnas picks a random jar and moves on. He checks hair gel off of the list and looks at the next item. When he looked at the next item he stopped in the middle of the isle and his eyes widened. "Oh hell no…Oh HELL no!!!!! I am not getting frilly panties for Xigbar!" Xemnas yelled. "He must be on some strong drugs thinking that!" He then looks at the next item. "Hmmmm. Lexaeus needs some needles and black thread…." Xemnas mumbles. "Wait why?" Marluxia questions. "He's under a lot of stress because of us…So making Lolita dresses calms his nerves." Xemnas answers.

Marluxia walks beside Xemnas with his arms folded. "He always looked so calm and apathetic. I didn't think that he would make dresses, but why dresses? We only have one female in this whole organization. Wait how much do you know about everyone?!" Xemnas gives an evil smile. "I know more than you think. I know enough to make a lot of people fear me. Can you say blackmail?" Marluxia's eyes widened. "You must tell me what you have on Vexen!!!"

"Vexen? Why?"

"He tried being funny….by pulling a mean trick."

**FLASHBACK (3 WEEKS AGO)**

"Hey! Marluxia!" Vexen called. "I need you for a moment." Marluxia materializes his scythe and approaches the Chilly Academic with caution. "Don't worry…I won't do anything that you wouldn't do." Marluxia inches a little bit more over to Vexen. The long haired nobody holds up an aluminum can of soda. "Here, try this." He says. Marluxia reluctantly takes the can and examines it. "It's just soda?" Marluxia questions.

"Yep. Brand new. Freshly made."

"Not by you right?!"

"That's right."

"Well…..Okay…WAIT A MINUTE!!! How can I trust you?!"

"I've never betrayed you now have I?"

"You've pulled nasty tricks on most of the other members, like revealing Xemnas's secret porn stash."

"He has a porn stash?"

"You didn't know that?"

"Nope…Cause I didn't do that."

"So who did?"

"Not me."

"Uh-oh…."

"What?"

"Originally, I wasn't supposed to tell anybody else about that."

"Oh well….Anyways, will you try it?"

"How can I trust you, blondie?"

"Just drink it!!! It's Lemon-Lime."

"OOOOOOO!"

Marluxia snatches the can out of Vexen's hand opens it and begins chugging. "Wow, that's awesome! I love the taste!" The pink haired scythe wielder states. Vexen smiles and walks off.

Later on, Marluxia begins rubbing his chest. "Owww…My chest is sore…Why?" Axel approaches Marluxia and says "Hey!" Marluxia spins around and snaps at Axel "I CAN'T HELP IT IF MY HAIR IS PINK!!!! IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!! OH GOODNESS HELP ME, I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN!!!!!" Axel raises an eyebrow and places his hands on Marluxia's shoulders as the pink haired nobody began to sob. "What's wrong with you?"

"My boobs hurt…I feel so sad! I also feel angry too…What's going on with me?" He explains. Larxene passes by and states "Sounds like you're going through a cycle to me…" Marluxia was confused and he gave Larxene a confused expression. "I'm saying that your emotional state is like you are on your period…What did you do take estrogen?" Marluxia drank some more of the soda that he got from Vexen earlier. "No….." He gets up and runs away.

Let's speed this up a little. A month later Marluxia is confined to his room. Xemnas is beating on the door, ordering him to leave the room. "NO!" Marluxia lashed out. "I can't."

"Why?" Xemnas asks. Marluxia wraps sheets around his body and tries to hide himself. "I can't say." Marluxia responds. Xigbar appears out of nowhere and snatches the sheet off of him. "HOLY ST!!!!! The man's got a set of double D's!!!!" Xigbar yells. The whole room got silent. Demyx yells "He's a woman now?! How do they feel?!" "Shut up, Demyx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Marluxia snaps.

Vexen laughs maniacally in the back ground. "Exactly how many cans of that soda did you drink?" In a few seconds Marluxia threw the door open, throwing Xemnas into the wall. "You bastard!!! You did this! You snuck estrogen into those sodas!!!" Marluxia roared.

"En contraire! Those were estrogen sodas disguised as another type of soda."

"Mutha-"

**-End Flash Back-**

"And now you see…." Marluxia concludes. Xemnas nods and then says "He's deathly afraid of bunnies." He then walks off. Marluxia follows with a sinister look on his face. He had a plan and he was ready to carry it out.

Xemnas tosses the needles and thread into the buggy and looks at the next item on the list. "Ummmmmmm….. Aerosol? Zexion wants Aerosol….." Xemnas repeats to himself. "Well I don't blame him…Especially with how Xigbar and Axel treat him." Marluxia taps Xemnas on the shoulder. "Hey, superior…I have a question."

"What?"

"Is it true that Zexion has a thing for Demyx?"

"So you've caught wind of it?"

What they didn't know was that after Xemnas caught Zexion with Demyx, he immediately began to spread rumors about him. Xemnas was a really big gossip. "Yeaaaah…I caught wind of it." Xemnas lied pushing the buggy at a fast pace. "Is it true?" Marluxia questioned more. Xemnas came to a halt and picked up a can of Summer Splash Oust. Xemnas looks at the next list and notices that there was no one else who needed anything….sensible. Then Marluxia makes a suggestion "Maybe we should get Demyx something." Xemnas walks away from the buggy without a response and walks far away from the pink haired nobody and turns left. Marluxia blinks and waits for the Superior to come back. "Hey!" A voice says and he turns around to see Xemnas behind him holding a big chocobo plushy in his arms. "Demyx can have this…" Xemnas states in a monotone voice. "It's cute." Marluxia states.

The two start collecting all of the food items. "What's a snicker doodle?" Xemnas asks. Marluxia shrugs and then tosses a box of snicker doodles into the buggy. "That's for Riku….The little cookie pig." Thirty minutes passed and now they were down to the last item.

Aisle number five, the feminine products. "Larxene needs them and I don't want to go down there….We need a plan." Xemnas states.

"How about we don't get them?"

"Are you psychotic?! Do you know how psycho she'll be when Aunt Flo comes to town?!!!!"

"Aunt Flo?"

"Yes!!!!"

"But I don't know which one to get! Have you seen so many categories just for one type of…..tampons?!"

"I don't understand that either, but let's ask for help!"

Xemnas whines and searches. He finds a person with long brown hair standing near a support pole. "Ummmmm…excuse me?" The person turns around to reveal a young woman with green eyes. "Hello, my name is Aerith. How may I help you?" She says. Xemnas turns red in the face and he begins to get nervous. "I-I-I need help…..I'm trying to buy tampons for s-s-s-s-s-s-somebody and I don't know which one to choose." Xemnas stutters. Aerith takes Xemnas by the hand and leads him down the aisle. "Does she want any particular brand of Tampons?" Aerith asks.

These questions made Xemnas sweat and panic. He randomly pointed to one brand and Aerith walked towards it and chose a box and handed it to Xemnas. "There you go. Now wasn't that easy?" She said with a sweet voice. Xemnas rushed out of that aisle bought the food and raced through a portal with the buggy, back to castle oblivion.

Xemnas pushes the buggy into the kitchen and walks away while telling Marluxia that he was in charge of putting all off the stuff up. Xemnas goes upstairs and enters his room. He flings off his clothes and goes to sleep……………

Luxord screams at the top of his lungs. "I can't stand this!!!!!!" Luxord storms into the hallway and-


	5. Potty Trouble

Sinister Sweets

Chapter 5: Potty Trouble!

"Come on Luxord, let's just blow these annoying things up!" Xigbar suggests. Luxord groans and smacks Xigbar across the head. "We can't blow up the restrooms! If we do then there will be no where to do your business!" Luxord replies. Xigbar scratches his head and then sits on a toilet. "They can all go in a pot or something and dump it out of the window…I mean…Come on! Tell me, who wants to clean 13 friggin' toilets?!" Luxord slumps over and moves over to a toilet with the number 10 in roman numerals on the stall door. "Why don't you ask the superior?" Luxord mumbles. Xigbar swears under his breath. Luxord looks down at the bottle of Mr. Clean that sat on the floor. For some reason the bald headed, big armed, man freaked him out. The Gambler of Fate decided to step around the bottle and grab the toilet brush and head towards the first stall that was in front of him. The stall was a crimson red with yellow flames dancing across it and a big number 8 was engraved in it. Obviously it was Axel's.

Luxord took his foot and slowly opened the door, once the door was completely opened a dark wind burst forth and knocked Luxord back. Luxord's eyes widened as he saw something rise from the toilet. It had red eyes, a brown body and long sharp fangs. "What the hell is this?!!!!" Luxord cries. Xigbar rushes to the scene with his guns in hand. When he arrives he immediately drops his guns and lets out a big yell. "What the f--- is this?! Is this a sh-t monster?! It's time to kick ass!"

Luxord was paralyzed with fear. Never before has he seen such a monstrosity. A gambler nobody passed in front of the stall and before it could completely make it by the monster snapped it up and gobbled it down. Xigbar's eye widened and Luxord almost passed out. The freeshooter began to shoot to his heart's content at the monster. Xigbar laughed manically as he shot out bullets left and right. "Muahahahahahahah!!!!! Die Die DIE!!!!" Xigbar yells. Luxord screams and heads for the bathroom stall that was his. It was decorated with pictures of playing cards, dice, and poker chips. It also had the number eight in a large red poker chip in the center of the door. Luxord scurries into the stall and sits on the toilet seat, scrunched up with his knees to his chest. A gambler nobody was standing beside him, it was Luxord's special pet nobody. It was of an odd bluish grey color and a little bit smaller than normal nobodies, but it was cute as heck. The gambler of fate held his little nobody pet close to him. The little nobody lets out a cute little squeak as Luxord quivered a little.

As for Xigbar, he was having fun fighting the poop based monster. "Man…What did Axel eat, Radioactive waste?! He crapped out a full blown monster! Man…this is F'ed up!" Xigbar yells. He then runs over to the main door and locks it. "Only one person is going to make it out of here…It's either going to be me or you…And I will tell you now…I ain't planning on losing to a pile of crap!!!" Xigbar yells while loading his guns. Xigbar starts to bounce off of the walls and the Poo monster just hurls crap at him. Xigbar dodges gracefully and retaliates with bullets. Xigbar quickly gets ticked off and hurls a bomb into the monster's mouth. The pile of poo eats the bomb and then explodes sending it everywhere! It rains down in all of the stalls and covers Luxord completely.

Luxord lets out a freakish yell. "It's all over me!!!" He cries. "Get it off!!!!" Luxord falls off of the toilet and falls out into the open. Xigbar is in a pile of poo; he shakes it off and approaches Luxord who is digging out his gambler friend. "Marron!!! Marron!!!" Luxord cries as he finds his little friend unconscious. Xigbar scratches his head with his gun and sighs. "My bad…" Luxord stands up and shakes himself off. "Let's start cleaning." Xigbar puts his guns away and moves toward the mop. "I feel like taking a bath…." Xigbar mutters.

Luxord drops his mop and holds the little gambler nobody close to his chest. "Bigrax…I mean Xiggy…I mean….Crap! Xigbar, wants to take a bath?!!! OMG!" Luxord squeals. He runs around in a circle and then slips on some crap and lands on his butt, making the little nobody that he was carrying fly out of his arms and into a bucket of water. Marron squeaks and pokes its head out of the bucket. Luxord looks at Luxord with a look of disbelief on his face. Xigbar picks up a second bucket that was by his foot and filled it with water. "I'm not kidding… I actually want to take a bath. I feel nasty." Xigbar muttered. Luxord approached Xigbar while taking off his glove. Once it was off he used that hand to feel Xigbar's forehead. "You feel okay." Luxord makes a diagnosis. Xigbar knocks his hand a way and folds his arms.

"I'm not sick!"

"Then what are you, Fruity and feminine?"

"NO!"

"Are you normal?"

"Yes…"

"Hmph…I doubt it."

Xigbar started to mop furiously cleaning up all of the poo that was shot around the room. In about thirty minutes the whole room was spotless…well all except for the stalls. Now this is where it got scary, folks. Each member of organization 13 had their own bathroom. Xigbar and Luxord knew good and well how well each member kept their own quarters and most members sucked at that. First was stall number one, Xemnas's personal toilet. Xigbar was assigned to that one and the rest of the odd numbered toilets while Luxord had the even numbered ones. Luxord stood outside of Xigbar's toilet. He took a deep breath and slowly opened the door. Inside was fuzzy with purple décor all around. Right above the toilet was a picture of a girl with brown hair in a bikini. "That man slut……" Luxord mumbles. "He constantly has his mind in his junk….what a shame."

-AHEM!!!-

Luxord slowly turns around to see Xigbar tapping his foot. "I'm done……Xemnas already had his toilet cleaned…it was freaky…everything was black and grey with skulls and cross bones on it….and the toilet was kind of medieval. The dude has a grim reaper poster above the toilet and his picture on the back of the stall door! This b-tch is twisted!" Luxord starts to pour Clorox toilet cleaner around the inside of the toilet bowl. "He IS kind of goth so it's sort of expected." Luxord responds while picking up the scrub brush and begins to scrub with all of his might. "Clean it good!" Xigbar states as he walks to the next bathroom which was Xaldin's. Xigbar opened the door and walked inside, instantly a spear came down and missed Xigbar by an inch. Xigbar's eye opened wide and locked on to the spear. "What the heck?!" He yelled. Then, a big silver arrow zoomed by and went between his legs. "Hey I need those!!!!"

Xigbar begins running and it begins to look like an action seen from Tomb Raider……Strangely. Xigbar flips and twirls and shoots projectiles out of the air…Then he finally reaches the toilet. "Awwwwwww...dammit…I forgot the cleaning supplies." Xigbar swears as he begins running back towards the entrance. While Xigbar was having fun with that Luxord and Marron were moving to the fourth stall. This one belonged to Vexen, yes the one that gave Marluxia estrogen soda, but it wasn't empty. Vexen was sitting on the potty with a face that showed strain. Luxord stood there and stared with his jaw hanging, his mouth was wide open. Vexen flails his arms and yells "Quickly! "Leave me alone before something drastic happens!" Luxord took off like the wind and sped off to stall number five…Lexaeus. Everything looked frilly and Lolita-ish. Luxord gasps and points to everything. "It's too delicate so I guess I'll just wipe everything down." Luxord begins to wipe.

In about 2 hours the two nobodies were down to Larxene and Roxas's toilets. Xigbar laughed evilly as he entered the 13th toilet. Luxord sighed and entered the toilet. A scream of pain spread through out the room. Luxord had his foot stuck in a thousand mouse traps at once. Xigbar screamed loudly, but not because Luxord screamed, but because Roxas's restroom was completely cutesy. The two nobodies ran out of the bathrooms and into each other's restrooms and then screamed even louder. " Squeak?" Marron says in a confused manner. Fifteen minutes passed and Xigbar and Luxord dragged themselves out of the restroom and flopped onto the floor.

"Mission accomplished…What now?" Luxord asks. Xigbar shrugs and looks over at Marron who was burying himself into Luxord's jacket. "We could always get some food for starters…… Then we can sit on our lazy organization $$es and wait for the others." Xigbar suggests. Luxord raises his hand and says, " I'm down with that!" The two nobodies stand and move towards the door. Before they could reach the handle the door swings wide open and Zexion is dragging Demyx with him to the bathroom. Luxord spins around and points at Zexion. "He emo kid, what are you doing with crazy sitar boy?"

Zexion spins around and looks at Luxord. " Demyx was making noises in his sleep and he whispered bathroom so I put two and two together and got-" Xigbar then interrupts with "Dragon." "Yes, dragon…… Wait! WTF?! DRAGON!!!!! Last time I checked two plus two equaled four!"

"Didn't you hear? Dragon is the new four so two plus two does equal dragon. "

Zexion pauses for a moment and looks at Demyx who was dragging himself into the bathroom. "I didn't know that…… Two plus Two equals dragon…Hmmmmmm. I'll go with that." He says to himself.

Luxord and Xigbar exits the bathroom with Marron. The two organization members were laughing manically and having a good time. Zexion yells loudly " NOOOOOO, DEMYX DON'T DO THAT!!!!!" and that ends the story here….


End file.
